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]]>Today the Telegraph interviews Averil and other experts on how to lead millennials. Views range from the ‘received wisdom’ of the Entitled Generation to more subtle cues on getting the best out of them…
Where some see uncommitted workers, Averil discusses more entrepreneurial workers seeking a fuller life: “They want to find ways to incorporate real relationships, be hands on in bringing up their kids, keep up external interests and be fit and healthy.” This is facilitated by the fact that “They grew up with technology so they know how to work remotely and cannot see why sitting in a building is required. They don’t ‘go to work’, they just work.”
“There are countless examples of unhappy baby boomers who, for their whole career, have been absent, workaholic, and money-focused because they perhaps felt they had no choice. Indeed, if we were to design a business all over again to suit human nature, allowing people the chance to use their strengths for fair reward and have a satisfying home life, wouldn’t we want this, too?”
Read on in this article by Tanith Carey
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]]>In every leadership situation, how people feel is of critical importance. It has the ability to make or break initiatives and yet emotions are often given the least consideration in the grand scheme of things. Time and time again, leaders have been surprised at the howl of rage that accompanies their announcements. They don’t see it coming: Bob Diamond’s – no doubt logical to him – view that it was time to move on, sent people ravening for blood. People’s feelings were not yet sufficiently appeased to allow them to let go their anger. Cameron’s ill chosen, Michael Winner catch phrase, ‘Calm down, dear’ inevitably provoked a paradoxical reaction.
Strong leadership will provoke strong reactions. Professional leaders seek to recognise the emotions they will engender by their actions and will plan in advance how they can bring people with them by provoking positive and constructive feelings. In every situation, emotions are a data stream – leaders neglect them at their peril. Above all, they should never just hope they won’t happen. In order to be a truly emotionally intelligent leader, you have of course to start with yourself. ‘Aye, there’s the rub’ – Hamlet. Learning to recognise your own feelings, give them legitimacy and then deal with them appropriately is a precursor to being skilled at dealing with other people’s emotionally charged reactions.
Those at the most senior levels have classically been expected to demonstrate stiff upper lipped stoicism, play their cards close to their chests and indulge in what psychologists would usually describe as denial – often because of their fear of how others might perceive their responses. As a result, they can be disfunctional due to lack of emotional literacy.
Science tells us that leads to pretty grim consequences for people’s health, well being and judgment. Recognising and categorising an emotion influences the emotional experience itself. For example correctly processing emotional reactions to traumatic events – e.g. loss of a job, restricted bonuses, delayed promotion – leads to health benefits, more adaptive behaviours, better relationships, faster results and better working memory.
Being able to label feelings, makes people more magnanimous towards others. All of which contribute to success. Social psychologist James Pennebaker describes verbally labelling an emotion as much like applying a digital technology (language) to an analogue signal (emotion and the emotional experience). If an emotion remains in analogue form, it cannot be understood or conceptually tied to the meaning of an event. Once an experience is translated into language then it can be processed in a conceptual manner. It can be assigned meaning, coherence and structure. The traumatic event can therefore be assimilated, resolved and eventually forgotten.
If this process does not happen, incomplete emotional processing has a deleterious effect on well-being, judgment and decision making. If you have time, catch the fascinating programme on Radio 4 on iPlayer to hear about Pennebaker’s work on Expressive writing.
What we are not suggesting is that you let it all hang out. Quite the opposite! We think you owe it to yourself to take positive action to master a practical emotional approach to processing emotion and events.
If you want to hear more about what you can do in fifteen minutes a day over four days to improve your emotional resilience, give us a call – 020 7036 8899 or drop us a line by return.
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]]>So, choose well, engage in coaching and become the best, most authentic, all-round version of who you want to be .
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]]>Engagement is a worldwide issue for large businesses. A 2012 Towers Watson global survey of 32,000 employees finds that ⅔ of employees are either disengaged or feel unsupported by the business. Once you realised that the truly engaged are sprinkled from the top to the bottom of the organisation you begin to wonder how companies stay in business. 26% are disengaged – the living dead going through enough of the motions to avoid detection (but then again – who is looking closely enough?) or the c.v. pedlars who just can’t wait to get out. Some of those by the way are the most senior people who talk about their ‘running away fund’ – as soon as the mortgage is paid, the children’s school fees organised, whatever… they promise themselves they’ll be off. Between these extremes you find everything from the almost catatonic, to the ones that could be boosted into highly engaged with the slightest encouragement.
Triage on the battlefield or A & E means that in an emergency you ignore those who will live or die anyway and you put your focus on those who could go either way. If you could increase engagement of the moderately engaged by even 10%, what commercial advantage could this give you? People are really complex but also quite simple. The human condition demands that in order to grow into fully formed adults we need to connect, belong, form attachments, receive recognition. Anything else leads to psychopathy. Our organisations are human systems. How do we make them humane as well? We hear a lot of theory about Emotional Intelligence but somehow behaving in an emotionally intelligent way becomes awfully difficult when you have been encouraged for years to leave your feelings at the door as you clock in. So the emotions talked about most in the corporate world are anxiety, stress, fear, frustration. The positive, life enhancing feelings like excitement, joy, love, fascination, inspiration are a little less obvious.
We also hear quite a lot of talk from senior people about their need to develop intimacy with people at work. Yet, when we work in groups with clients, every time they approach what could be an intimate moment of genuine thought or self-disclosure, some wise guy cracks a joke or uses another displacement device to avoid the fearsome risk of embarrassment. When you then put them into a structured exercise that requires to go beyond the usual mundanities of the weather, the best back roads or the budget, and give them the opportunity to engage in deep and meaningful topics, they take to it like ducks to water. Often people feel constrained about talking about anything personal with work colleagues. Of course, professional communication should be planned and purposeful but in order to really know your people, understand their drivers it is critical to be comfortable having some of those deep and meaningful conversations in ordinary time not just when big life events intrude.
When working with leaders to enable them to become emotionally connected and inspirational, we often start with heroic leadership styles – Henry V, Tim Collins, and the like, to challenge and refresh stale, jargonised linguistics but then it always has to move on to emotional openness and self revelation. That takes guts but, when, from a position of perceived strength, they open up about their own doubts and fears they transmogrify into the type of leader people might actually want to follow.
Top tips:
1) Response contingent positive reinforcement – fancy words for ‘catch someone doing something (anything) right and tell them immediately’. Point out what strengths they were using to do it and ask them to find new ways of using those strengths. Every one gives positive feedback, but few do it well or often enough and far too many think it is the mere bread in the sandwich that allows you to tell people the bad stuff.
2) Use selective self-disclosure. A leader who looks perfect (and only you know you are not) or tries to appear perfectly in control at all times is not a good role model. Someone who copes inspires us better. Let them see some of your workings, how you got to this point in your calculations or ability to see the future e.g. I had some real doubts about this path but I overcame them because… I have had my dark nights of the soul, but now…
3) Love people to bits – that’s the White Water mantra. However awkward, difficult or different from you people choose to be, find what is wonderful, unique, special and admirable in them. Focus on that, tell them genuinely what you like and respect about them, reward steps in the right direction and ignore the ‘naughty ‘ behaviour- (works for children too!)
4) Be brave enough to allow greater intimacy. Avoid the instinct to shut down. People are capable of huge and deep thoughts about the meaning of life. See where that goes instead.
Averil, François and all at White Water Group
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]]>All fabulously entertaining distractions. Psychologists get very suspicious about this kind of behaviour, assuming that there is some displacement, i.e. the avoidance of a more challenging task, something bigger that we can’t face. So we mop up all the smaller tasks available, distracting ourselves from our true purpose. Habitual behaviours – like obsessionally checking all your social media or even your business e-mails – seem rational but repeatedly breaks concentration and shifts your attention from the important to the merely urgent. It is easy to blame open plan offices, gadgets or meetings for reduced focus, but the biggest single problem is likely to be yourself. Intrusive thoughts such as doubts about your ability or the enormity of the task destroy concentration and lead to avoidance. This problem gets amplified in the next generation: research on students by Larry Rosen has shown that they were only able to focus for a shocking average of 3 minutes and most of their distractions came from technology. Even when all the alerts were switched off- so no beeps or vibrations, they were still distracted, wondering about what messages had accrued. The best students were unsurprisingly those who could concentrate for longest and the worst were those who worked on several tasks at once and consumed more media. However, those who could exercise ‘Metacognitions’ – make insightful judgements about how to handle interruptions to their focus, did better. So self -awareness is the first step if you want to train new patterns of behaviour. Be honest about where the interruptions to your focus come from, remove them wherever you can and make informed decisions.
We know from our own leadership model that a key attribute of successful leaders is Drive, and that Drive is a combination of energy (Zest) and the ability to focus despite high volumes of distraction, a desire for detail, competing demands and lack of certainty. They seem to exert a consistently high degree of self-control. Furthermore, successful leaders need what to focus on. Daniel Goleman – of Emotional Intelligence fame – claims that leaders need to use focus:
We all vary in our ability to focus but individually experience a wide range of levels of concentration. What can we do to consistently operate at the top of that range?
Ok, got that off my chest; now I can allow myself to tweet! Averil, François and all at White Water Group
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]]>The post Compassionate Leaders appeared first on White Water Group.
]]>• A Father dies and a manager is asked –‘How long do you think it will take to get over this? Three weeks, maybe?’ The answer was unprintable.
• The young woman widowed after 11 months of marriage. ‘You are young. You will love again’ The result – horror that she might be so fickle.
• The miscarriage. No-one ever mentions it again.
They avoid her in the corridor. The consequence – disengagement and a slowing of recovery. And, of course, no one ever talks to the desolate Father-to-be. We differ from each other in our ability to be compassionate. People often mean well, don’t know what to do, want to know how they can fix things or are worried that they will say the wrong thing. All of which makes them appear utterly lacking in compassion. How important is it for a leader to foster compassion in an organisation? On the one hand there is the humane argument about the right thing to do and, on the other, the blindingly obvious fact that all you have are your people. Until robots are able to replace them, you are stuck with these real life problems. The research shows that compassion at work matters because it impacts on resilience and builds a positive identity within the business. People are healthier and happier. It connects people to each other, it connects them to the organisation through loyalty and commitment and it connects them to their own humanity. Above all, research shows it builds trust in the workplace. Without trust, your workforce will be less engaged. Witnessing compassion elevates and inspires more compassion, giving and caring. Compassion is contagious. It is a virtuous circle. Where the whole person is valued, they are not expected to leave their personal identity at reception every morning. Some of the current working conditions in our organisations expose people to incivility, disrespect, injustice, corrosive politics, constant reorganisation and incompetence on a daily basis. Becoming compassionate involves noticing, feeling, interpreting and responding to the other’s pain. Being a compassionate leader involves building an environment where mere self – interest is not the norm, where high quality connections are encouraged between people, where the whole person is valued and shown care and respect. Sometimes there is a need for the more formal support of coaches or counsellors but more often compassion is shown in the small, inconsequential aspects of behaviour that reinforce how people are cherished and also in the way that bullies and the insensitive are handled and given the chance to develop higher skills of emotional intelligence. Organisational habits can work against this. No trust means no-one will admit to human weakness until it is impossible to hide. No expression of emotion can lead to dangerous repression. Fear of crossing professional-personal boundaries can stultify people’s more caring responses. Concerns about fairness-‘well, if I do it for one, I have to do it for everyone’ – can eliminate concern. Ineptitude leads to avoidance. Leading the way in compassion involves being able to:
• pay attention – compassionate leaders know what their people are going through
• Empathise – compassionate leaders realise that emotion is a data stream they cannot afford to ignore and they become literate in their reading of feelings
• Feel – and to let others see those emotions through careful self disclosure • suspend judgment – a compassionate leader understands that how they tackle challenges may not be feasible for all
• Be rather than do – you can’t always fix what people are going through. It would be arrogant to think you could find a ‘solution’ for some of the complexities of life. On occasions, being compassionate is the best and only thing you can offer. You can tell whether an organisation has compassion by the stories that are told by its employees about the way people have been treated, the care they have been shown and the values that have been lived. Leaders can create and support compassion – enabling routines rather than old, more psychopathic ways of treating people. They can ensure those high quality connections get built. They can foster real values in action by demonstrating good compassionate behaviour themselves. Averil, François and all at White Water Group
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